The topic for this chapter is one close to my heart, abuse against women. This chapter and the extra readings was about all the different kinds of abuse against women, children and minorities. Physical abuse is just one type there is cyberstalking, incest, emotional, rape, battering a whole myriad of ways that human beings can come up with to hurt, maim or kill someone.

I lived with a man for 26 years who physically and mentally abused me to the point that I became someone unknown to myself and my family.  I lied almost everyday of my married life, not only to him but to family and friends. I was not able to lose my temper, have postpartem depression (I knew he wouldn’t put up with it) or sass back.  Outwardly he was the perfect husband and I June Cleaver. June never went thru what I did.  This man had me so buffaloed that I would not reach out for help until one day he yelled at me one time to many. I left in three days taking my cook books, some pictures, clothes and a few momentos. I left a whole house and 26 years to move back home and start over. What a smuck I was all those years…..I should have left after I had my first child but then I wouldn’t have my other two boys who are all grown up now. It is easier said than done to just up and leave…no one really can live in your shoes. They mouth platitudes about just leave or why does she put up with that…and the always good one, “God will take care just have faith”. Well God is wonderful but he likes us to help ourselves a bit.

No child should every have to live with abuse from a father or mother of a sexual nature. These predators need to be rounded up and dumped on a deserted island and left to rot or survive who cares. They are a waste of air and space. I am tired of the bleeding hearts that think drug traffickers, children traffickers, those that force women and children into slavery or prostitution need to have help. Help….these kinds of people don’t need help they need to be well…dead! You can’t give back innocence to children, they can survive but they need the help. We shouldn’t be wasting tax payer dollars on these reprobates that perpetrate these crimes.

Our text talks of documents like the International Human rights documents ie, The Universal Declaration of Human Rights and others. It is well and good and it is a starting place but again just platitudes. Tell that to the women in Iraq and afghanastan who are fearful of their lives most every day. A declaration is good but action is better.

That idiot who runs Girls Gone Wild is a PIG! He is taking advantage of young drunk girls, but on the other hand free enterprise.  These goofy women don’t realize that if your going to take off your clothes for a camera well you should be getting something for it not just a thong, hat or t-shirt, the choices you make today can stick around for a while. My niece has just gotten her law degree and in order to receive that law degree she had to of course go to school a long while, pass the bar, and an extensive background check, if she would have done something of this nature she would not have been able to take her bar in the state she resides. So youngsters think before you do something that just might bite you in the butt in the future. Seriously, that man has fantastic house, great parties and I am sure all the right friends and it is built on boobs, wow, too bad. I wonder if he gets these women to sign papers allowing their images on his smut.

It is great in this day and time that women can strive to become phenomenal artists, authors, and performers unlike our counterparts in eras past. We do not have to ask a man to submit a manuscript or sign his name on our paintings and take credit. We are free to be as artistic and hedonistic as we want. I would say that there are more superb women artists and authors than men today.  We have come a long way, but still have some strides to make.

Been doing it a long time…really not sure if it is easier than it used to be…sure the sweepers are better, the mops are better, the cleaning fluids certainly smell better but really I am sure it is a man or bunch of men sitting in their golden towers that are telling american women (really women all over the world) how much easier, happier, shinier, dust free we are because of the advance of their wonderful products.  Makes  me giggle to type it, really do you think were idiots. House work is housework a necessary evil because as mommy always said you don’t have to be rich to have a clean house…really she said it on numerous occasions.  Back to those men in their golden towers sitting on their fat bank rolls made possible by american women buying their fabulous, wonderful you get my drift products.  Do you ever see on primetime tv or soap opera tv time a man in one of those commercials? I don’t watch much daytime tv but when I have the opportunity to see Days of our Lives (once or maybe three times a year) those commercials just floor me..again do they think we are all just stupid?

The reading about men and the lengths they will go to avoid housework (there is that word again) was so very funny because I know I have heard so many of those idiotic thoughts and manipulations. Thank God for the man who will clean a toilet I think I have said that before…Rich I love ya! Monday night after we finished the dinner that I had cooked (my passion is cooking) I sat down to read my text and go over what I wanted to write for my summary and thought the dishes will just have to wait. I started reading this article again about the different vagaries of men and housework and I heard water running in the kitchen. My Rich was doing dishes, I asked if he needed help and he said, bless him, no honey you just get your homework done. Well he not only washed the dishes but packed my lunch for the next day, and this has happened on a consistent basis so I guess he will keep his head a while longer.

The information we studied regarding prostitutes was enlightening. I did not realize there were so many organizations and support groups for prostitutes. It is to bad that our society is so puritanical and hypocritical in its view of sex. No wonder our kids are so messed up..on one hand all you hear is education, education, education…but if a teacher would openly discuss or invite discussion of sex a bruhaha would occur. There are so many unwanted pregnancy’s it is just a tell on our society.  Of course the best way is abstinence but we all know that kids are going to experiment…so give them the tools to be safe. I totally agree with the view that if a woman wants to earn her living by selling sex that is her choice, it has to be. It should also have controls, be safe, pay taxes and run like a business.  The thought of women and children being sold into prostitution slavery in third world countries just makes me sick.  Every trafficker should be taken out and castrated!!!!!! No one should make money by forcing someone especially innocents to this degrading life. I don’t mean that it is degrading if it is your choice but children don’t have choice and the adults that avail themselves of children should be taken right out with those sex traffickers and castrated as well.

We all deserve dignity in our chosen profession and to feel good about what we are doing. Some choose to be mothers, teachers, construction workers, bank clerks and that is their choice prostitutes deserve the same conditions and safeguards other workers enjoy.

Emma Goldmans writing about marriage was appalling. How awful to feel like women did back then. So suppressed and their sexuality frowned upon and women kept in the dark about how wonderful sex could be. Good women did not question their men, they endured the marriage bed, and lost themselves in the process of marriage. I am sure not all marriages were horrible and oppressive but probably a good portion were.

There has to be something that can be done for the women and girls in these countries where the men and religion control their every move and thought. This has to stop. God doesn’t call for women to be subserviant or to hide behind a burka or to be controlled by men. Young girls being married to men three times their age this is criminal and must be stopped I don’t care what custom your religion or country adheres to it is wrong! In Indian where young girls are sold for 10.00 by their familes or to pay off a debt this custom is insane. In Saudi Arabia a 70 year old women is given 40 lashes because two unrelated males were in her home to bring her bread….hello… insane!

I am so thankful everyday that I found the love of my life after 26 years and he cleans toilets, does dishes, and sweeps with a smile.  He is the manliest man I know but doesn’t quail to do “womens work”. I can even yell at him on occasion and not have to worry about repercussions, I am very lucky.

I did not realize the travail that women encounter in the bygone eras regarding birth control. Reading about how birth control was illegal was an eye opener. Never thought about it before because it is such an easy thing to get these days. Imagine being 25 and bearing your sixth child, living in a small ghetto apartment and not having access to either say no to your husband or being able to acquire birth control. Margaret Sanger saw this so often in her work in the new york ghettos of the 1930′s. Doctors were rare at births and indifferent to the plight of women, callous in their attitude regarding birth control. As usual the woman bears the burden and blame. Most women of that time and place were old before their time.

In todays world birth control and abortion are things we take for granted. I believe a woman should have a choice and be in control of what happens to her own body. I believe we have a sacred trust though in being careful and educated on knowing how to stop an unwanted pregnancy from happening.  With all the education and throw in the face facts regarding unwanted pregnancy, birth control, and sex young women have no excuse except a lake of regard for having a baby. It is amazing to me how accepting and kind we are in our society……its ok honey mom and dad will bring the child up, you continue with school…there are not many consequences and therefore I have seen it over and over young women continue to have children out-of-wedlock and expect that mom and dad, grandma and grandpa, the state, welfare….someone else will bear the expense of the child and mother. Young women in this day and time are very careless with a very precious gift. It is so easy to have and abortion or expect someone else to take care of her mistake. So many couples are waiting for years and years and spending thousands of dollars waiting for a baby.

Abortion is a horrible business…I feel it is a necessity…it should not be taken advantage of and it should be legal. You have to make the decision and live with it. Women can blame no one but themselves unless, of course, it comes down to rape or the child is dead in the womb. Women should be able to go to a reputable clinic and not worry about infection or judgement, again it is yourself that you have to live with and no one else.

The video on YouTube where the anti-abortion demonstrators were asked what the penalty should be for women having an abortion if it was illegal cracked me up. So many of those self righteous people were stymied when spouting how abortion should be illegal but had never thought of what the penalty should be for a woman breaking law if abortion were illegal. Of course they did not know the answer….such hypocrasy!  I know they believe they are well meaning and following the dictates of God and the Bible. But we forget that we are responsible for ourselves and our actions and will answer to God when the time comes…he knows our hearts.

Health Care for women is better today than in the days of my grandmother and her mother. There are more women in the profession and we have access to preventative medicine that will enable us to live longer and healthier.  The care we receive is good and we can be responsible for our wellness and the direction we take. More people have access to insurance but there is a need for those who cannot afford or have no job that offer’s insurance.  I am fortunate to have a great insurance plan and I have worked in the insurance system for many years. I am lucky that I understand how it works and how to use the system. So many do not have insurance and are unable to access the quality care that we all deserve.  The answer isn’t a government run socialistic health care system it is affordable access for all. Those who are able to take an insurance plan but choose not to should not be able to access a tax payer funded health plan.  Children and elderly people should have an affordable plan or be able to access a state run insurance.  I want to keep my independent insurance I do not want the government telling me when and where to get care.

Women need to understand that the women on television, ads and commercials look just like all of us. The only reason they seem to look thinner and more beautiful is due to techniques like air brushing (that Dove commercial was amazing) and makeup and I mean lots of it! Any one of us could look that amazing if we had the money for a personal trainer and had a studio makeup artist. Their lives seem oh so wonderful but yet they have the same problems all of us lower peons have, i.e., cheating husbands/boyfriends, the craving of chocolate and french fries, bratty kids and crazy families, ha. I wouldn’t trade their lives for mine for one minute or my body.  While I might wish for a flatter stomach I know they only way I am going to get is  stomach crunches and exercise. I am responsible for me and if  I want chocolate well, the world is not going to sink, have it,  life is way to short.

The Poem “Phenomenal Woman” was just beautiful. There is no reason we cannot think about ourselves like that poem suggests. Be happy in knowing who you are and what your finer points are everyone has bad points or things we need to work on but if we are happy being who we are then go with it enjoy walking down the street!

Men menstruating that is a laugh! I really don’t think they could handle it and would take to their beds for the entire length of their period, moaning and crying. Men may think they are stronger than  women in all aspects but we know the truth right? Live with one that has a headache or stomach ache and the world stops. I know I get a headache or stomach ache and I still have to earn a living. Most men could not handle having to bleed for seven or more days they would plead e, ha!

We are a society that is so image focused that it really gets in the way of our younger societies growth. Sometimes I feel as though we are headed in the right direction…other times I really wonder. Vagina plastic surgery still just blows my mind that some women feel the need to have a ”pretty vagina”. Give me a break! You cannot tell me that you feel prettier if you have a reconstructed vagina that is shorter and smaller and tighter. That is just the stupidest thing I have every read and I do care about being politically correct….women please who cares? Get a life that is just my opinion. If I had that much money to blow I still wouldn’t have that surgery, think of all the pairs of shoes one could buy, lol.

Bisexual people have a whole different set of problems in the scheme of things. They are attached stigma in both the heterosexula and homosexual worlds where do they fit.  Jennifer Baumgardner’s story “what is Bisexuality” was the story of a woman who wanted her family to know who she was and to accept her bisexuality. We all want to be accepted for who we are and it is a great feeling when you find that relationship no matter man or woman where someone loves you for just who you are all the quirks and pieces that you feel free to let escape and not bottle up to impress. That is real love. Families are sometimes harder to adjust to something out of their norm. It is hard for folks even in this enlightened age to understand because gendering plays such a huge role in our lives same as 100 years ago. Until we are able to view everyone equally and to not be so judging of different life styles we will continue to have the discrimination that exists and has existed for hundreds of years.

Our society is all about beautiful people being sexy with skinny bodies, big lips and perfect hair. It really is funny if you think about because when you take all the photo tricks and airbrushing away you have a person who isn’t what they are advertised. So many people are set up to fail because of unrealistic expectations in romance, love and sex.  I absolutely loved the reading on page 203, Gate C22 by Ellen Bass.  Two people who love each other so completely and wonderfully and they aren’t beautiful like all those couples in US, People, etc., but how they must love each other. When it comes down to it….isn’t that what we all really want someone to greet us and be so happy to see you like they were starving for your presence. Knowing that they think your hot even if your wearing bermuda shorts and middle aged. I am so thankful to have found that person after so many years of being someone I  did not even know. Life if too short get out there and live…be who you are inside and out and just live!!!!!